The best thing about motherhood (aside from a very adorable human), other moms. The worst thing about motherhood…other moms! My entry into motherhood wasn’t entirely planned, although (grown folks only over here) if you’re having unprotected sex then you’re technically kinda always planning to have a baby. And though I thought I was on top of things (that’s what she said) clearly the presence of this very delicious bubba is proof that I in fact was not on top of things. As soon as people find out you’re pregnant, every one has a say on how you should be doing things. From what you’re eating to how you’re training, I found that a lot of opinions were formed off of personal experience and not necessarily supported by scientific facts…rarely supported by scientific facts. But nothing is more polarising than when you share your birth plan. I had no idea that I’d have an emergency caesarean but because my OB/GYN had discovered a fibroid early on and I was aware of complications that can happen during labour when you have a fibroid, a vaginal birth was out of the question for me. In a way I was relieved as I thought (very naively I might add) that I’d be wheeled in and out very quickly. The nature of my birth meant that my husband and I did not have time to attend antenatal classes so it was only when I was at home a few months postpartum that I began to see the very strong opinions that people have on well everything that a woman does once she becomes a mother.
Now on the other side of pregnancy, I’ve kept a very strict limit in terms of motherhood accounts that I follow but every now and then I’ll see an unsavoury comment from a stranger who obviously knows best on how to raise someone else’s baby. Motherhood is messy, the emotional highs and lows. The days, weeks, sometimes months on end when it can feel like you and your partner just aren’t on the same page and that you’ll never get the hang of parenting (it’s amazing how delulu sleep deprivation and depression can make you). This is especially true for first time parents and even worse if you’ve had your baby arrive earlier. A lot of people said to us that once you get into the parenting groove, it’s as easy as riding a bicycle BUT the bicycle is on fire but the fact that it’s on fire is good, it’s normal. Motherhood has made me a lot more resilient, stronger and a tiny bit wiser. I now have a chunky little human that I would absolutely go to war for!
As we fast approach our first year of surviving as parents, keeping a baby healthy and alive here are my notes on motherhood. Things I’ve learnt that I’m hoping will help someone:
1. This one is especially for my fellow NICU mummas; whether your baby spent a week, a month or more in NICU all the emotions you feel are valid. Be as selfish as you want, be as protective as you want, keep your bubble as small as you want it to be. In the world we live in, people either hate babies or feel a strange sense of entitlement to them. Either way prepare for people to get offended by pretty much every boundary you put into place. It doesn’t matter, you’re the mumma and that takes precedence over everything else.
That time spent in NICU changes you and you need time to come to terms with your miracle no longer being in hospital. Surround yourself with people that are happy to give you, your partner and your baby time to adjust. There are very real threats that you had to deal with while in NICU. The world will revolve around your cub for a while and that’s ok.
2. Fed is best! Breastfed, formula or a combination. It doesn’t matter, the most important thing is that your baby is fed. My breastfeeding journey started off with months of following a strict pumping schedule while we were in hospital and if I knew then what I knew now, I probably would have stuck to pumping 🙈 don’t get me wrong because we fought so hard to get to this magical 🦄 place in our breastfeeding journey, it’s that much more special but it also means that we have a bub that will not touch a bottle. I wish I’d followed my instincts a bit more and stuck to what my husband and I had planned which was a combination of boobies and bottle, B squared if you will. But because of the stigma attached to not breastfeeding I kept going and I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t affect my mental health. The one thing that kept me going were the little nuzzles with my cub 🐻 and the feeling of your cub looking at you as though you’ve got this magic power that’s able to soothe, comfort and solve (almost) every problem they have.
3. Even if you don’t develop postpartum depression or PTSD like I did 🙃 get a psychologist or therapist. I’ll save this for another blogpost but I can’t tell y’all how much I LOVE my psychologist. There is so much of my survival and gradual return to joy that I owe to her listening and at times highlighting answers that are there but are so heavily buried by sleep deprivation. The nature of my therapy means that I also have online modules to work on which is incredibly tricky as a first time mom, which leads me to the next point…
4. Just because [insert name here] can get all of it done, it doesn’t mean you have to. The way that society is set up means that a lot of women once they become mothers have to play a juggling game in working, getting dinner done, making sure that everyone and everything is on schedule. This can lead to burnout and mom guilt. What I’ve learnt is that motherhood looks different in all of us. If all you can do right now is look after your baby, guess what you’re doing a great job. Delegate as much as you can because at the end of the day when mom is happy and healthy, so is baby! Prioritise YOU! My husband would tell me this and I’d roll my eyes because “if I don’t get it done then who will?” A lot of this attitude is also rooted in my upbringing where women do everything (sometimes to their detriment). In time I began to realise that even if I’m not the one doing something, it will still get done. It is not sustainable to carry on putting yourself last.
5. Your husband isn’t out to get you…not always 😉 just kidding. Having a baby will definitely change your relationship and I’m happy to say that as we continue doing this parent thing, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and realisation sets in that we are raising our little cub as a team. Sure there are ways that I want things done but parenting means allowing each other to parent freely without feeling as though your partner is out to get you. Yes there are challenges to being the primary parent but there’s a lot of beauty in it as well and once the dust settles you’re more clearly able to see just how supportive your partner is and just how much you love him.
6. My last tip; soak it all in. You’re doing an amazing job looking after the only one that truly matters, your little cub 🐻
When my kids are grown one day, I want them to look back at their childhood and think,
“Wow, Mom really enjoyed us.”
I want them to know that the privilege of being their mom was always greater than any hardship, annoyance, or inconvenience. I want them to know what a gift they were to me every single day.
Casey Huff
Faith, Fitness & Everything Else... 
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