Le Féminin

On this International Women’s Day (8th March 2020) I think of what the Duchess of Sussex said on her visit to Robert Clack Upper School in Dagenham on the 6th March 2020, ‘you have your mother’s, sisters, girlfriends, friends in your life, protect them.’ So often the directive for women empowerment is geared towards women. It’s time for this message of empowerment to shift towards men.

I live in South Africa, a country where being female has for many years felt like an extreme sport. Last year, University of Cape Town student, Uyinene Mrwetyana was brutally murdered and raped when she went to pick up a parcel at the post office. The fact that such a heinous crime was committed in broad daylight (around 14pm) in an area that many of us frequent, is what made her death even more shocking. Every rape in South Africa, to the women of this country, is more than just another statisitic. As women, we’re told not to walk alone late at night, we’re told not to wear revealing clothing, we’re told to have just the right level of sweetness combined with firmness when we’re catcalled. The message that we get is to be accommodating to men. What if men were taught to be feminists, advocating the rights of women without looking out for their own selfish gain.

I think of Jesus, so ahead of His time when He dared to speak to the woman at the well (John 4:1-42) during a period of time when speaking to women was taboo because of the second class citizens they were thought to be. A man who spoke to women the way He saw them; treasured, intelligent, valuable, and with as important of a role to play as man ever could. When Jesus rose from the dead, the first people to see Him were women. If it weren’t for the women in our lives who have made an impact, where would we be?

On this international women’s day, I hope that you are reminded of your strength and tenacity as a woman. I hope you are able to remember that regardless of how the world seeks to break you, it never will be able to extinguish the fiery flame in you. Happy international women’s day to all you lovely, strong, and breathtaking women.

C’est fort, une femme

Quand on nous blesse et nous accable, on n’se plaint pas

Quand on nous laisse, que tout l’monde part, on reste là

Avec les restes, on reconstruit, on est comme ça

C’est ça, une femme

Vitaa & Slimane- XY

Things to do under lockdown…

I was going to title this post ‘5 things to do under lockdown’ but this is just under five, and ‘4 things to do under lockdown’, doesn’t quite have the same ring. The alternative was ‘4 things to do while social distancing, but that’s quite the mouthful. So here we are with ‘things to do under lockdown.’

1. Get your nails did.

I’m not usually one to go the nail salon, mainly because of past experience with nail technicians who ask WAY too many questions with WAY too little knowledge of me. So I switched to press on nails. They’re cheap, easily replaced and as we practice social distancing, it’s the best way to keep your hands in tip top condition.

Nail colour is ‘Sand Tropez’ by Essie.

I bought the KISS long stiletto nails when I was in the U.K. from Boots, but it’s also available at Dischem and Clicks. I buy most of my toiletries from Dischem because for some odd reason, Clicks hike up the price of all their toiletries by like ZAR30, I’ve done the market research. At Dischem the nails retail for R149.95, while at Clicks they retail for R169… do the Math!

Kiss 100 Nails Long Stiletto

2. Learn a new skill, even if it’s as simple as making Dalgona coffee.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the biggest fan of coffee mainly because of how caffeine sensitive I am. I found this recipe on the Los Angeles Times after @milktpapi posted it on his feed. I knew I had to try it and it was a huge success. I’ve never really understood iced coffee but this was deliciousa! I substituted coconut sugar instead of regular sugar and used almond milk to make this completely vegan friendly.

3. Eat ice-cream!

This part is important because one does not simply go into lockdown without the necessary supplies and the new rule is that calories don’t count when you’re social distancing. If calories don’t count you have to go for the best and nothing is better than Häagen Dazs salted caramel. I had a pint for breakfast, nuff’ said folks!

4. Exercise

While it might seem tempting to stay in bed all day. The best thing we can do for ourselves right now is exercise. It boosts your immune system and also releases endorphins, which I’m sure you’ll agree, we all need right now! I did the above workout and not only did I work up a sweat but I had fun too!

So that’s my list of 4 things to do while social distancing. What’s on your list?

Fitness Reads: Jog On by Bella Mackie

I picked up this book on Sunday, the day of my flight back to South Africa after spending a glorious two weeks with my very yummy husband, look at him, he’s gorgeous.

No matter how many sleeping tablets I take (don’t take more than the recommended dosage), I never seem to fall asleep on the plane. My last journey, I read ‘The Beekeeper of Aleppo.’ A book so beautifully written and in many ways descriptive of the journey many immigrants face when they move to Europe/North Americas. One of my goals this year is to read at the very minimum two non-academic books each month. My partner and I were in WH Smith when my attention was captured by the bright blue cover and title of the book. There are a lot of things I love about my husband, one of them being his accent and classic British slang that I try to implement in my South African/Congolese life. One of those phrases is ‘jog on’ If we’re picking favourite slang phrases, this is mine.

jog on

1. Literally, to run along at a slow and deliberate place.
2. By extension, to make progress slowly, deliberately, or patiently.
3. Go away; get lost; beat it. Primarily heard in UK.

I initially picked this book up as I was looking for motivation to spur me on in my running routine. New year, new me, am I right? And aside from CrossFit, there is no other sport I love more than running. Mackie writes with ease in a comforting and, relatable way. If you think this is a book purely about running, you’re wrong. The book makes me think of one of my favourite phrases by Nike head coach, Chris Bennett ‘this is about running, this isn’t about running.’ Mackie doesn’t claim to be an expert in running or mental health. The fact that she writes from her own experience is what makes this all the more beautiful and is what drew me in as a reader. She gives enough detail on the different mental health illnesses for the reader to have a better understanding of what it means to have a mental illness, as well as tools on how to be more supportive and understanding if you do have a partner that suffers with mental health. As a budding researcher, I appreciated that where she presented findings related to running and mental health, she cites those papers. Minor thing that most won’t care about but definitely did not go unnoticed for me.

I still don’t know why running was the tool I opted for in the midst of misery. I’d never done strenuous exercise before. But I had spent a lifetime holding at bay the need to run away – from my mind, from my negative thoughts; from the worries that built up and calcified, layer upon layer, until they were too strong to chip away at. Maybe the sudden urge to run was a physical manifestation of this desire to escape my own brain. I guess I just wanted to do it for real.

Bella Mackie

At 289 pages, it’s a very light and easy read! Overall I found the book inspiring and it’s reminded me of why I initially fell in love with running. It has also reminded me that this year, whatever levels of toxicity that I don’t want present in my life can ‘jog on’.

Bella Mackie is a freelance journalist and author of ‘Jog On’, a book about running and mental health

Arvo at Selfridges

I was 17 when I first stepped into Selfridges. Fresh faced and not as wise as I am now, I was a couple of weeks into my degree in London when I walked into the most magical place on Earth.

My first purchase was a paid of £80 thigh highs boots that I definitely did not need but they fulfilled every ‘Pretty Woman’ fantasy that I’d had about thigh high boots completing an outfit.

Selfridges was where I discovered French luxury makeup brand NARS. My love for NARS has remained along with other brands such as Charlotte Tilbury, Dior and Chanel. All of which I discovered at Selfridges. It’s my favourite place to do a spot of shopping when I really want to treat myself and I can’t wait for one day in the future, to have a girl that will love shopping at Selfridges as much as I do.

2020, Let’s Do This!

Hello beautiful people. It’s the start of a new year. I’m still on holiday so I am in a great mood. It’s not that I hate my job, in fact I consider myself extremely lucky to have such a healthy work environment, however more time with the love of my life is always welcome. I’ve had time to think about what I want from 2020 and each time I keep coming to one word: joy.

joy: ‘ a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. ‘

The past two years have been challenging for my family and I, ever since we lost my sister. However we have somehow learnt to live with the grief. We’ve learnt to function and find happiness in the midst of the pain. Last year was a great one for me. I have felt myself slipping further and further away from the cloud of despair that at one point felt permanent. Depression is like that, you forget what it’s like to be happy and while I credit my walk with God towards helping, I cannot deny or diminish the role that my wonderful husband played in the person I became last year. My goals for this year are simple: find joy in God and work tirelessly at being the best wife, and human to everyone in my life. I want to truly find joy in God, in life, fully being present in all aspects of life, taking pleasure in all that it has to offer, without feeling guilty about it.

2020 is the year of being unapologetically joyful!

Pregnant or Fat?

I’m going through a crappy period with my weight and it’s hard not to get down on myself, especially when everyone keeps asking if I’m pregnant 🤰🏽 I’m not, I’ve just gained weight. I’m on a solid reset plan that involves zero sugar and mostly veg. So far so good, BUT it’s tough. I looked at my body today and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. There’s the quiet voice from my bulimic days that sometimes taunts me. My plan is to see a nutritionist and find out how I can potentially do plant based eating alongside long distance running and CrossFit. Right now I am being as gentle as I can be with myself while on this new journey of bettering myself and shedding a few kilos. Choosing to go on a health kick during the festive season is probably not the best idea 🤦🏾‍♀️.

It’s easy to hear the voices of others and often very difficult to hear your own. Every person you meet is going to want something different from you. The question is: what do you want for yourself?

Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter

Unexpectedly Grateful

In a few weeks 2019 will be done and dusted and we will be entering a new decade. When you look back at the last ten years of your life, what marks those years? Were they tough, knocking the wind out of you at each turn? Or was it a decade marked with growth? The last decade of my life was a little bit of both. One event that marks this decade was the loss of my sister. Her death is something that I don’t think I will ever truly recover from, however her death is no longer as debilitating as it was when it first happened. My sister passed away shortly before her 33rd birthday, she passed away in October, we buried her in November and a mere 3 weeks later her first birthday without us occurred. It’s something that will stay with me and my family forever, however when I look back at it, I see how Christ has infused His strength through not just this situation but through every difficult situation that I encountered in a decade that in the thick of it, felt marred by difficulty and struggle.

It was in this decade that the United Kingdom Borders Agency (UKBA) incorrectly detained me. I was given nothing more than an apology and while an experience like that would scar the best of us, somehow I found the strength to rebuild my life after an event that felt as though it had stripped so much of my dignity and worth. The maladministration of the UKBA I believe, is what led to is being closed in 2013. I hope to never forget the desperation so clearly visibly on the faces of so many other women who were in there much longer than the three days that I was detained. When the time and opportunity for it comes, I will find a way to help women who are in detention to ensure that they never forget their beauty, their worth and their dignity. In the midst of what felt like a storm that would spit me out with significant bruises, I didn’t see that resilience was being added to my character. I only saw what I could see, which is normal. When you’re going through something, your mental and emotional state of being can be tested and as well-meaning a Christian that you think you are, so much of what is going on around you can cause you to doubt and wonder whether God is just being so rude, and so nasty, allowing all of this mess to carry on in your life.

At the end of this decade going into the next one, I have realised that I am not always going to understand why certain things happen and why God permits it to be so. For years, I have found solace in the words Jesus uttered in John 13:7 “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.”

I love the explanation of this verse on the ‘Knowing Jesus’ site: ‘When like the apostle Peter, we come face to face with a series of bizarre circumstances that seem to shatter our lives, we may not understand the reason for life’s twists and turns but we can trust Him, knowing that His ways are perfect and His grace is sufficient. Like the disciples on that night before the cross, we may not be comfortable with the shock-horror that we witness or the unjust way that life seem to be unfolding. We may not understand the spiritual significance of all that is happening in our life and the lives of those we care about, but we can trust our heavenly Father for He is still in control. He knows the end from the beginning and all His ways are perfect. Although we may not know the meaning and mystery of all that we are called upon to bear in this world, let us remember that we may not understand what is happening now, but hereafter we shall know as we are known. May we learn as Peter did that what may be shadowed to our understanding today is being used by God to work together for good, to His praise and for our eternal benefit.’

This verse becomes harder to believe when you are on a rollercoaster of unfortunate things happening to you or those you love, but I have concluded that walking with Jesus and going through trials & tribulations (how dramatic sounding), is by far better than not walking with Him. When I was detained by the UKBA, one thing that brought me comfort was the account of Paul and Silas praising God while they were in jail (Acts 16:16-40) and I remember laughing to myself that on that day for some very odd reason, I had taken my Bible with me. In that moment I believe I experienced a taste of what Paul and Silas must have felt; the desperation, the disbelief, the pain, the betrayal that God would have allowed this to happen, and then afterwards the realisation that even still, He remains God. It took me a long time to get over that pain and once I felt that I did, I lost my sister. As I type this I am still in a hazy phase of my relationship with God. There are days when I can easily declare His sovereignty over my life, and then there are days when I wonder how a God so big and so great could have allowed so much to occur not just in my life but in my family’s lives as well. All of these questions always lead me to the same conclusion; God is God and He knows why. I believe God has given us freedom of thought, and is by no way offended by any questions that we may have for Him. How fragile would God be if He was offended by everything we did?

Can you imagine how shaken I was when I realised that God was not offended by me not believing in Him. He loves and pursues relationship with us, but He will never force His way into your life. He’s a gentleman like that. At first this was unsettling but afterwards it brought freedom in my relationship with God, I was no longer scared to bring my raw emotions to Him. Things that I had never spoken to God about (which sounds kinda weird to type, considering He is all knowing…) suddenly came spewing out of my mouth and the pages of my journal. The journey isn’t perfect but it is a lot more authentic.

I close out this decade happier than I thought I would be. I’m married to the most wonderful man, working in a challenging but fulfilling role, and the role I cherish the most: being an aunt to the two most incredible humans. I wonder whether any of this would have been possible had my life not followed the trajectory that it did. I didn’t think I’d be writing this, but I am so grateful that God allowed for my life to play out as it did. As you reflect on the last decade of your life, what are some of the things that you have learnt or have been through that you are unexpectedly grateful for?

In Review: Pattern Beauty Heavy Conditioner

Details: With a texture like butta, our Heavy Conditioner is perfect for coily & tight textures. Creamy, luscious & invigorating, our formula has coils singing in celebration as it wraps them in serious hydration & the signature “PATTERN slip” for easy detangling & great curl clumping . We boosted with ingredients like Avocado Oil, Shea Butter & Safflower Oil to keep our conditioner extra rich & nourishing. Time to coat the strands in a sliver of heaven.

Fragrance: Tracee picked this to be clean & not over-powering. Notes are a sweet floral essence of Neroli, Rose & Patchouli.

Suggested use: Apply to wet hair from roots to ends. For extra dense curls or long hair, section with PATTERN Hair Clip while conditioning to ensure every strand gets the love it deserves. Use PATTERN Shower Brush or fingers to help detangle & bring curls together. Rinse thoroughly. Pro tip: For dry or brittle hair, leave conditioner on for 10 minutes as a repair treatment mask to help restore & revitalize your curls.

Ingredients: Aqua (Water, Eau), Cetearyl Alcohol, Stearic Acid, Persea Gratissima (Avocado) Oil, Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea) Butter, Cetyl Alcohol, PEG-8 Beeswax, Glycerin, Ethylhexyl Palmitate, Behentrimonium Methosulfate, Jojoba Esters, Carthamus Tinctorius (Safflower) Seed Oil, Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower) Seed Wax, Glycine Soja (Soybean) Oil, Acacia Decurrens Flower Wax, Polyquaternium-10, Polyquaternium-37, Propylene Glycol Dicaprylate/Dicaprate, Ethylhexylglycerin, Parfum (Fragrance), Tocopherol, Polyglycerin-3, PPG-1 Trideceth-6, Phenoxyethanol, Sodium Chloride, Sodium Acetate, Isopropyl Alcohol, Benzyl Benzoate

Pattern heavy conditioner is Paraben-Free, Free of SLS/SLES, Color-Safe, Free of cyclic silicones, Phthalate-Free and Formaldehyde-Free.

We all know Aunty Tracee Ellis-Ross has for a long time been a natural hair crush for every natural haired girl. Daughter of the legendary Diana Ross, Miss Tracee carved out a name for herself when she starred as Joan Carol Clayton on Girlfriends. When she announced that she was releasing her own haircare brand, I was excited. With hair as gorgeous as hers, there was little doubt in my head that she wouldn’t deliver. At that time, there weren’t too many reviews on type 4 hair like mine so it was a HIGE risk that I was taking in not only ordering something I didn’t know would work on my hair but also going for the biggest size, a whopping 29 fluid ounces which is just over 800ml. Because I don’t trust the South African postal service who will steal literally anything, I ordered these to my husband’s house in the UK and he brought it along with him to South Africa.

Listen Aunty Tracee wasn’t kidding when they wrote down the description of this conditioner, ‘texture like butta’ is right! That pump never knew what was coming and I am sure after a few months of using this conditioner, my arms will look even more toned. The consistency of the conditioner is so thicc, that I found the pump to be a deterrent. I know some people need pumps to ration out conditioner servings but I am not that people okay! I shampooed my hair and sectioned it into four. The benefit of having just received my conditioner is that I have picked up from most people that the best way to use this conditioner is on fully saturated hair. My hair was already detangled however, I found that I could finger detangle with ease, and without losing any strands. The smell of the conditioner is fresh and floral, I found it pleasant but once the bathroom got really steamy, I found the smell a touch overwhelming. Thankfully once you have rinsed it off, it doesn’t linger. Afterwards my hair was so soft and springy. I was able to apply my leave in conditioner with ease and style my hair without the usual knots that have been wrecking my hair over the last couple of weeks, the seasonal shedding I’m experiencing in summer of all seasons, is wrecking all my hair goals at the moment. I have zero regrets having bought this conditioner and once I have finished my massive bottle, I will evaluate my hair condition and make a decision on whether I will be purchasing again.

I give this conditioner a 4.5 stars out of a possible 5. I docked that point five because of the price which in my opinion is not fully warranted. While the ingredients in the conditioner are great, my hair lovesss shea butter!!! They also aren’t anything to write home about. At this point I am pretty happy with the products I have in my arsenal but if Aunty decides to release a style butter, I might just have to part with my money!

You can shop the full Pattern Beauty range over here.

The Truth About Grief

I love this thought on what grief is by the internet’s boyfriend, Keanu Reeves. Probably the most accurate definition I’ve ever read on grief. It never truly leaves, it changes form and you learn to cope better. Sending hugs to anyone currently grieving the loss of a loved one, whether it’s been 2 weeks or 2 years.

Grief changes shape, but it never ends. People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, ‘It’s gone, and I’m better.’ They’re wrong. When the people you love are gone, you’re alone. I miss being a part of their lives and them being part of mine. I wonder what the present would be like if they were here—what we might have done together. I miss all the great things that will never be. Damn it! It’s not fair! It’s absurd. All you can do is hope that grief will be transformed and, instead of feeling pain and confusion, you will be together again in memory, that there will be solace and pleasure there, not just loss.

Keanu Reeves